Ughh

I'm really starting to hate this blog.

Words Couldn't Express

Yesterday I was writing a letter to someone and before I wrote it I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I knew what feeling I wanted to portray in the letter, and although I hadn't thought it out word for word I knew what it was that I wanted to end up being written on my paper. At the end I read it again thinking that I would be completely satisfied with what I'd said. After I'd gone over the letter again I couldn't help but think that it wasn't right. Like there was something that I needed to say that I didn't have words for. I let it go, deciding to rewrite the letter later. I went to do my devotions and one of the passages I was reading that night was Romans 8:18-27 and verse 26 seemed to perfectly describe my feelings about the letter. It says:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

I guess thats exactly how I felt. I wanted to say something, and I did feel like the Spirit had something He wanted me to say, but words really couldn't express it.

Its so cool how God works His word into our lives in practical ways.

*picture taken by: Paul L McCord Jr*

I'm a Kid Again

Yesterday was just about perfect. I woke up to the sounds of my family laughing and talking in the living room and making waffles with strawberries and whip cream (which is probably one of the best breakfasts ever). Afterwards we sat down to just watch TV together. This might seem like the simplest, most monotonous activity to some, but to me its a treat. I can't remember the last time I'd just sat down to spend time with my family like that. Especially with these cousins and grandparents. Its a rare indulgence that all of us are in the same place at the same time. We watched "Curious George" (which is not a Thanksgiving movie of any sorts) but is one of the most adorable movies I can think of, maybe its just the monkey thats adorable. We ate lunch together and had a big family dinner too. We even went bowling later. I love being here.

What I noticed most about this week is how much I rely on and enjoy the company of my mother. She's a rock. I love turning around and seeing her there in the kitchen or on the couch. I love hanging onto her arm while we walk or just having her ask me whether or not I want to go to Walmart. Its so special to me to be able to ask her where something is or whether or not I have a fever.

I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready to be alone. I always say that I act like I'm a kid still, and it can be so true. Being an adult is boring. I want to go back to playing in the pool for 4 hours at a time, and wanting to eat the entire box of ice cream, and fighting to stay awake for just 30 more minutes to watch one more episode on nick@nite. I want to make home videos about my cat, and make forts in the woods, and have birthday parties with "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" and relay races.

Growing up is hard.

*picture taken by: creativecupcakes*

I've Got Nothin'

I can't do anymore. I'm out of ideas. Nothing I say helps, and everything I do doesn't seem to make a difference.

It hurts when someone you care about tells you how their life is falling apart, and no one likes them, and all they want to do is drink their cares away. I tried. I said what I thought might hit a nerve, hit her heart, hit something with feeling, but there is nothing left for me to do or say. All I can do is love. But why me? Why, God, did you decide to give this to me? I feel so drained, and its only been 2 days! I feel emotionally and spiritually empty. She says there isn't any hope for her, and now I'm starting to feel the same way, only about myself. There doesn't seem to be any hope left for me to save her, except through your mighty hand. But I have nothing. I've said everything I could think of. I've told her everything of importance.

What am I supposed to do now?

*picture taken by: Mashael Al-Shuwayer*

Remember those Pokemon cards?

Remember Pokemon cards? I don't know about you, but they were so important to me. I thought that the only way for me to be cool was to have Pokemon cards. I didn't have very many, but I wanted them so badly. They were the coolest things in the world, and they were a measure of my popularity.

You know whats funny?

They don't matter anymore.

Things that seem so important right now probably won't be important at all in a small matter of time.

Invest in things that will last.

*picture taken by: Visor Perú*

Every Moment

Does anyone else find it interesting that each moment for all of eternity has a different name? Right now its October 3, 2009 at 4:15 and some odd seconds and some odd milliseconds and so on and so forth. It will never be October 3, 2009 at 4:15 and some odd seconds and some odd milliseconds again. There is no rewind, no redo, not even a replay. When it passes it passes. I find that almost scary. No matter what I do, I'll never be able to change what I did in the past, only maybe make up for it in the future.

Make the most of every moment. You'll never have it again.

*picture taken by: The Starry Eyed*

Nothing

This is not something I can handle on my own. I need to tap into that supernatural power that Christ has waiting for me. All I have to do is ask, right? So why do I feel unchanged every time I try and ask for it.

I beg you, Jesus, please carry me. I can't do this without you. I'm nothing without you.

*picture taken by: nascity*