I do, I do..

Hey.

I love Jesus :)

My Unknown Thirst

"As the Samaritan woman [in John 4:7-26] discovered, it doesn’t matter how many times we may try to rearrange our relationships and reorder our lives. Until we find relief for the soul, everything else will be nothing more than a distraction—a very temporary one at that—from our fundamental craving for living water.

Most of us haven't gone through five spouses, but we have gone through jobs, five moves, five weight-loss programs, or five churches -- and still the insatiable thirst continues. We will never find what we are looking for in the things we pick up along the way. Not even the religious things. Not even important things like relationships. All of these things will leave our souls empty if we try to force them to satisfy our thirst. The true object of our search is nothing less than an encounter with the Holy One."

-M. Craig Barnes -- Sacred Thirst

I think that a lot of times people will read something like this and think, Thank goodness thats not me. It would be terrible to not have my life together like I do. When in reality they are the most thirsty. People who don't believe in the Lord may also feel that way. Thinking wow, I'm glad I don't believe like these people do, they must be miserable. Thats not how it works. If at any point in my life I don't feel the thirst it is because I am denying is there because I want so badly to be satisfied by these earthly things that are so momentarily enjoyable. I was there for a long time. Thinking everything was fine because I was momentarily enjoying myself in earthly pleasures. God wants us to delight in him. He's there, waiting for us to come drink him in.

Oh how horribly mistaken I was.

Thank you, Father for showing me my thirst. I'd rather be thirsty for You and striving for more of You than falsely satisfied in the world.

*picture taken by: Cristiano Pecanha*

I Long For You

Father, you are better than all of this. You are above everything. I cannot mess up your plan no matter how hard I try. I long for the joy that I used to have in You. I long to feel your control and your power like I used to. I so desire a feeling of assuredness that You do not fail. I have been relying on myself for so long. That is so foolish! I know I am not reliable, so what am I thinking depending on myself for hope.

You are the giver of all hope.

You are the giver of all life.

You are the maker of me.

You know my every thought.

You are the lover of my soul.

I don't deserve You.

Thank you.

*picture taken by: Jade M. Sheldon*

He will...

My husband will love me and care about me and love the Lord and he will be able to forgive me for not saving some things for him. He is going to be wonderful. He is going to love the Lord with all of his life. He is going to motivate me to love the Lord more, and invest in my relationship with the Lord. He is going to be my love, and my best friend. I'll look to him, and I'll confide in him. He'll joke around with me, and laugh with me. He'll look at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. He'll hold me as if I could break. He'll think I'm precious and I'll be so special to him. We will honor the Lord with our lives and our time and our money and our words and our actions.

I can't wait.

time for something new

I'm here. It feels surreal. I can't believe its over. I will never ever forget this school year. I almost hope I will in some ways. I've never been through so much in 8 months.

I remember going back to school in August so sure and excited about how things would happen. I knew that I was over him, and I was even moving on. But that conviction didn't last long. I fell all over again and it only took one second, literally.

I had so many firsts. My first recital. My first time playing guitar for people. My first C, unfortunately. My first "hit" song. :) My first apartment. My first cooking lesson. My first surprise birthday party. My first boyfriend. My first love. My first heartbreak. My first breakup. My first (and second and third and fourth) forever goodbye.

And now the next time all those things come around they'll be my seconds. I wish that wasn't how it had to be. I wish I still had a lot of those firsts to come. I wish I hadn't given so much of my heart away and I wish I still had my first love and first kiss and first boyfriend to give to someone who loves me and plans to marry me.

Time goes on, though, and I have to move on with it. Not ahead of it waiting for tomorrow to bring my hopes along; not lagging behind looking around at the memories of my yesterdays, but with it. Looking at each day as it is. Where am I right now? I have to see today to have memories tomorrow.

Hearts will heal, and I can forgive myself.

I'm home. I'm here. Now is the time for something new.

a good conversation

There’s nothing I appreciate more than a good conversation. I absolutely adore talking to people I love. I love the moment where I just know that the person I’m talking to said something special to me that they don’t really tell too many people. I love opening up to people. I love being honest and vulnerable with people. I love letting people know that I trust them. I love staying up all night when I had planned on going to bed at eleven. The feeling of saying goodbye after a great conversation is never sad for me, it is fulfilling. It is completing. I love how God gave me this love and enjoyment in conversation, and I pray that I will use it for his glory. He deserves it, after all.

Change

Its never hurt so bad to say goodbye. I've never really had to do this. Say goodbye to people that I might not ever see again. And if I do see them again, I don't know when and it could only be once or twice. The first and probably hardest goodbye was 4 days ago. Precisely 3 days 23 hours and about 15 minutes ago. I have one more goodbye today, and, depending on circumstances, either one or 4 goodbyes tomorrow. I can't do this. It just feel like everything should be so different than it is. I really don't want this school year to end. I hate change.