God is so much more.

I am the most humany human in existance.
I want out of myself!

I want to get away from the prison that is my body.

I am so tired of letting my humanness and my physicalness hold me back.

I want my heart to take over.

I want to be bold.

I want to do things that aren't quite so typical.

I want to break away from the expectations that the world has for me.

I want to do things because I know that the Lord has them for me.

I want to stop being so scared of being radical.

I want to stop letting myself rule out certain possibilities because they are "too crazy."

God is so much bigger than this!
God is so much better than this.

God can make me so so so small and that is exactly what my heart desires.

God can take me away from myself when I'm with him because He's God!

God can get rid of the restraints that I have because of my "humanness."

God can be bold, and he can take over and make me bold.

God does completely atypical things!

God has never conformed to the world's expectations!

God is so far above all of this nonsense.

God can be as crazy as He wants because, He can make absolutely anything work for the better of his glory and His kingdom.

God, make me more like you everyday. And get rid of me. I'm so foolish and so silly. I'm so ready to get away from myself.

*picture taken by: Khalid Ghamdi*

I Don't Do What I Know

My knowledge often seems to not quite match up with the attitude of my heart.

Here are some things I know:

1. Jesus Christ and his story are the most important things I could ever tell someone.

2. Jesus is more worthy than anything else of my attention and time.

3. Christ is the only thing that keeps me alive.

4. The things of this world are fading and fleeting.

5. Life is short.

6. God thinks I'm the most beautiful thing in the world.

Here are some things I do about it:

1. I pass up some opportunities to tell people this ever-important story.

2. I give my attention and time to myself, friends, boys, and worldly things.

3. I rely on my own capabilities to provide for me and keep me safe and happy.

4. I pursue fortune, beauty, fame, popularity, praise, and approval from the world.

5. I waste my time with things that do nothing to further the Kingdom of Heaven.

6. I look down upon myself and use the expectations of the world to judge myself.

Lord, help me to match my heart with my mind. Show me how to live as I KNOW I should. Teach me how to feel and desire and do the things I know rather than only know them.

Make me less.

*picture taken by: ^i^heavensdarkangel2*

I do, I do..

Hey.

I love Jesus :)

My Unknown Thirst

"As the Samaritan woman [in John 4:7-26] discovered, it doesn’t matter how many times we may try to rearrange our relationships and reorder our lives. Until we find relief for the soul, everything else will be nothing more than a distraction—a very temporary one at that—from our fundamental craving for living water.

Most of us haven't gone through five spouses, but we have gone through jobs, five moves, five weight-loss programs, or five churches -- and still the insatiable thirst continues. We will never find what we are looking for in the things we pick up along the way. Not even the religious things. Not even important things like relationships. All of these things will leave our souls empty if we try to force them to satisfy our thirst. The true object of our search is nothing less than an encounter with the Holy One."

-M. Craig Barnes -- Sacred Thirst

I think that a lot of times people will read something like this and think, Thank goodness thats not me. It would be terrible to not have my life together like I do. When in reality they are the most thirsty. People who don't believe in the Lord may also feel that way. Thinking wow, I'm glad I don't believe like these people do, they must be miserable. Thats not how it works. If at any point in my life I don't feel the thirst it is because I am denying is there because I want so badly to be satisfied by these earthly things that are so momentarily enjoyable. I was there for a long time. Thinking everything was fine because I was momentarily enjoying myself in earthly pleasures. God wants us to delight in him. He's there, waiting for us to come drink him in.

Oh how horribly mistaken I was.

Thank you, Father for showing me my thirst. I'd rather be thirsty for You and striving for more of You than falsely satisfied in the world.

*picture taken by: Cristiano Pecanha*

I Long For You

Father, you are better than all of this. You are above everything. I cannot mess up your plan no matter how hard I try. I long for the joy that I used to have in You. I long to feel your control and your power like I used to. I so desire a feeling of assuredness that You do not fail. I have been relying on myself for so long. That is so foolish! I know I am not reliable, so what am I thinking depending on myself for hope.

You are the giver of all hope.

You are the giver of all life.

You are the maker of me.

You know my every thought.

You are the lover of my soul.

I don't deserve You.

Thank you.

*picture taken by: Jade M. Sheldon*

He will...

My husband will love me and care about me and love the Lord and he will be able to forgive me for not saving some things for him. He is going to be wonderful. He is going to love the Lord with all of his life. He is going to motivate me to love the Lord more, and invest in my relationship with the Lord. He is going to be my love, and my best friend. I'll look to him, and I'll confide in him. He'll joke around with me, and laugh with me. He'll look at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. He'll hold me as if I could break. He'll think I'm precious and I'll be so special to him. We will honor the Lord with our lives and our time and our money and our words and our actions.

I can't wait.

time for something new

I'm here. It feels surreal. I can't believe its over. I will never ever forget this school year. I almost hope I will in some ways. I've never been through so much in 8 months.

I remember going back to school in August so sure and excited about how things would happen. I knew that I was over him, and I was even moving on. But that conviction didn't last long. I fell all over again and it only took one second, literally.

I had so many firsts. My first recital. My first time playing guitar for people. My first C, unfortunately. My first "hit" song. :) My first apartment. My first cooking lesson. My first surprise birthday party. My first boyfriend. My first love. My first heartbreak. My first breakup. My first (and second and third and fourth) forever goodbye.

And now the next time all those things come around they'll be my seconds. I wish that wasn't how it had to be. I wish I still had a lot of those firsts to come. I wish I hadn't given so much of my heart away and I wish I still had my first love and first kiss and first boyfriend to give to someone who loves me and plans to marry me.

Time goes on, though, and I have to move on with it. Not ahead of it waiting for tomorrow to bring my hopes along; not lagging behind looking around at the memories of my yesterdays, but with it. Looking at each day as it is. Where am I right now? I have to see today to have memories tomorrow.

Hearts will heal, and I can forgive myself.

I'm home. I'm here. Now is the time for something new.