God thought of it all first

People credit other people for the beauty of man-made landscapes. They credit architects for the beauty of an intricate building. People credit others for creating paintings and writing music.

We wouldn't even consider having ideas like that had it not been for the incredible creation that the Lord gave us.

Landscaping: God made the first lake, and the first tree, and the first bush, and the first blade of grass, and the first flower. No man could create a flower or a tree and I would like to see someone think to dig a big huge hole in the ground and put water in it.

Buildings: God made the first mountain. He formed every rock wall and tall structure on the earth. He put rocks on top of each other where no man would ever think to put them. He is the original architect.

Paintings: You think your pretty little picture of your mom is good? You think a nice picture of something artistic looking is beautiful? You think your oil painting of the mountains is eye-catching? God paints the sky every night and every morning. And there has to yet to be a morning sunrise or evening sunset that I've seen that hasn't taken me aback and demanded my full attention if only for a moment. Every single time I see a sunset or sunrise I must mention it to someone else. I must share the incredible beauty that God has provided for me.

Music: It almost makes me laugh to think about music and how obvious it is that God created it first. God had already created everything about music, we were just figuring it out! Not only did he make the bird and every part of its insides and outside, but he created for the bird a song. And not only did he create a song for the birds, each bird has a different song! And the songs interact to make an even bigger song. And oh how gorgeous it all sounds together. Who has been able to compose something like the songs of the birds that, although it is played every single morning, will never get old or boring. Hearing the birds in the morning will, without fail, make me smile. Oh God, how you've blessed us.

Why? We are so unworthy of the sound of your precious name.

Jumbled.

Warning: What you are about to read is confusing, jumbled, and random. Read at your own risk.

The other day I looked in the mirror and thought, "I look better WITHOUT my makeup."

Wow!

I never thought I'd be at this point.

Lord,

I'm dumb. I've been messing up a lot. I'm sorry. I feel ashamed even addressing you. I am not worthy to speak your name. But despite my stupidity and shame you've blessed me with the knowledge that I AM beautiful without altering my face. I am beautiful because of who you made me to be and because you shine through me.

I'm so privileged and honored that you chose me to shine through. Please help me. I'm so so horrible and so so not worthy of You.

I can't believe you've chosen me. I honestly have no idea why. I'm so incapable. I'm so disobedient. I'm so sinful. I'm so dumb. I'm so human. You could do all of this yourself, but you let us help out. You give us the blessing of being in a relationship with you and getting to do your work here on earth.

What a blessing, Lord!

Forgive me. Take away my shame. Lift my eyes. Get my head out of this world and into your Spirit. You are a wonderful, loving, omnipotent, perfect, beautiful Father. Oh, God, thank you!

Forgiven,
Katie

One of those days.

Today is just one of those days. I've only been awake for about 40 minutes (it was a long and tiring week) and I'm already in a bad mood. I shouldn't feel this way. Its so stupid of me. Its so dumb that something so simple, and so (most likely) innocent would make me this way.

God, where are you? I don't understand why this is happening. I did everything right! I was faithful to you first. What happened?

My heart hurts. I feel like it does that a lot. I don't really like it.

Love and Be Loved

So today I looked at a picture of myself from one of my Lent days where I wasn't wearing makeup. And guess what I thought... "I look pretty in this picture."
WOW! The Lord is changing me, and forming me into his daughter. The one that doesn't need a painted face to feel good. I feel good simply because I have my Jesus. I feel good because there's nothing else that matters more in the world than being with Him. How lucky am I that I get to spend time with the King of kings and the Lord of lords. I get to love and be loved by my creator, sustainer, and life-giver. I get to bask in the heavenly and infinite glory and majesty of the One who let ME (the sinner, deceiver, and rebel) switch places with his perfect, spotless, absolutely 100% wonderful son.

Everyday I realize more how little I deserve all I have.

Look, My Daughter.

ME:

Father,

Its me. Yeah, me, Katie. The one who fails you, and hurts you, and lies to you, and steals from you, and takes you for granted, and sins against you, and lets you down, and basically punches you in the face every single day. I would say I love you, but that person doesn't sound like someone who's in love with you. I do love you, but I don't understand why I'd do that to someone I love. I can't believe I hurt you that way. I can't believe I'm so evil. Please forgive me, Father. I know you don't have to, but I'm begging you. I'd understand if you didn't want to talk to me, though. I'd understand if you shunned me forever. I'd understand if you turned your back on me and forsook me. I'd understand if you just punched me back. I'd understand if you took back the gifts you've given me. I'd understand if you erased my name from your book. I'd understand if you disowned me as your daughter. I'd understand if you sent me to hell. It'd be okay. It'd be just like anyone else would do. I deserve every punishment you can possibly think of.

FATHER:
Come here, daughter, let me wrap my arms around you. Let me take away everything that holds you back. Look, my daughter, you're clean. You're beautiful. You're perfect. Just like I made you to be. I love you more than anyone on earth could ever imagine loving you. I'm crazy about you, and I will never forsake you.

Praise the Good Lord for who He is.

Thank you...

Thank you, Father, for people who really care about me.

Thank you for things in common.

Thank you for support.

Thank you for people that I can cry to.

Thank you for someone who can support me because they're the only one who understands.

Thank you for your glory.

Thank you for my privilege to come to you personally with my thanks, praises, problems, and sorrows.

Thank you that you can get inside someone's heart and change them completely.

Thank you for the way You pick me up when I fall, hold me when I'm weak, and chase after me when I'm running as fast as I can away from You.

I don't deserve any of this.

Lovee...

I feel pretty today. It may be a combination of things, but I did not expect to feel good about myself so soon in this lent process.

I have the best friends in the world. God gave me so many wonderful people in my life that love me so much and I can't believe I ever complained about it. I can't believe I ever took them for granted or was ever unhappy with my life. I live with one of the best people I could imagine living with, and she is so wonderful and kind and loving to me, I don't deserve it. I know that none of the people I'm talking about really read this, but they are amazing. I've found myself calling school "home" recently. I've never done that, and I'm glad I can finally feel at home here.

Father, you are so good to me. I can't believe I've been running away for so long. I was so dumb, so horrible to you, so rude. I took for granted the best gift in history. Please don't let me do that again.