Love and Be Loved

So today I looked at a picture of myself from one of my Lent days where I wasn't wearing makeup. And guess what I thought... "I look pretty in this picture."
WOW! The Lord is changing me, and forming me into his daughter. The one that doesn't need a painted face to feel good. I feel good simply because I have my Jesus. I feel good because there's nothing else that matters more in the world than being with Him. How lucky am I that I get to spend time with the King of kings and the Lord of lords. I get to love and be loved by my creator, sustainer, and life-giver. I get to bask in the heavenly and infinite glory and majesty of the One who let ME (the sinner, deceiver, and rebel) switch places with his perfect, spotless, absolutely 100% wonderful son.

Everyday I realize more how little I deserve all I have.

Look, My Daughter.

ME:

Father,

Its me. Yeah, me, Katie. The one who fails you, and hurts you, and lies to you, and steals from you, and takes you for granted, and sins against you, and lets you down, and basically punches you in the face every single day. I would say I love you, but that person doesn't sound like someone who's in love with you. I do love you, but I don't understand why I'd do that to someone I love. I can't believe I hurt you that way. I can't believe I'm so evil. Please forgive me, Father. I know you don't have to, but I'm begging you. I'd understand if you didn't want to talk to me, though. I'd understand if you shunned me forever. I'd understand if you turned your back on me and forsook me. I'd understand if you just punched me back. I'd understand if you took back the gifts you've given me. I'd understand if you erased my name from your book. I'd understand if you disowned me as your daughter. I'd understand if you sent me to hell. It'd be okay. It'd be just like anyone else would do. I deserve every punishment you can possibly think of.

FATHER:
Come here, daughter, let me wrap my arms around you. Let me take away everything that holds you back. Look, my daughter, you're clean. You're beautiful. You're perfect. Just like I made you to be. I love you more than anyone on earth could ever imagine loving you. I'm crazy about you, and I will never forsake you.

Praise the Good Lord for who He is.

Thank you...

Thank you, Father, for people who really care about me.

Thank you for things in common.

Thank you for support.

Thank you for people that I can cry to.

Thank you for someone who can support me because they're the only one who understands.

Thank you for your glory.

Thank you for my privilege to come to you personally with my thanks, praises, problems, and sorrows.

Thank you that you can get inside someone's heart and change them completely.

Thank you for the way You pick me up when I fall, hold me when I'm weak, and chase after me when I'm running as fast as I can away from You.

I don't deserve any of this.

Lovee...

I feel pretty today. It may be a combination of things, but I did not expect to feel good about myself so soon in this lent process.

I have the best friends in the world. God gave me so many wonderful people in my life that love me so much and I can't believe I ever complained about it. I can't believe I ever took them for granted or was ever unhappy with my life. I live with one of the best people I could imagine living with, and she is so wonderful and kind and loving to me, I don't deserve it. I know that none of the people I'm talking about really read this, but they are amazing. I've found myself calling school "home" recently. I've never done that, and I'm glad I can finally feel at home here.

Father, you are so good to me. I can't believe I've been running away for so long. I was so dumb, so horrible to you, so rude. I took for granted the best gift in history. Please don't let me do that again.

Beautiful

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep

I count on the make-up to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention

I thought I could be strong

But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

I never had any idea how easy it is to see myself in a negative light until recently. Suddenly I find myself trying to please the world and trying to look "beautiful" according to the standards of other people.

I've never participated in the tradition of the 40 days of Lent. This year there was something on my heart that I felt could greatly help my self-image. I decided to not use any makeup for the duration of the Lent holiday. First of all, I need to spend that time that I spent putting on my face in the word. I got to spend just a few more minutes in God's word this morning, and it was wonderful. Second, I don't need makeup to look beautiful. God has made me who I am, and He's made me in His OWN image! I am gorgeous! I have to stop letting people tell me I need to be tanner, or be skinnier, or work out more, or wear tighter clothes, or more revealing tops to be beautiful. A friend of mine put it best by saying: "It's not make up that makes people beautiful. Make up or not, true beauty shines through." The make up isn't a sin. Its not a bad thing unless it is used as a crutch. It is something I need to learn to feel confident without. Real beauty isn't something that can be enhanced with blush, or eye shadow, or mascara. Real beauty will be obvious with or without those things.

Christ makes me beautiful, and he defines my beauty.

Pleasing the Crowd

Wanting to please the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them. He had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.

-Mark 15:15

This is what I do to my Lord constantly. How could I be so selfish?

So Typical...

I'm so normal. So average. So run-of-the-mill. So typical.

I want to be more than normal. I want God to take the place of my normalcy. I want Him to wash away any average speck on me. I pray that He would keep me from being run-of-the-mill and typical. I desire that He would take over my life, my love, my hopes, my dreams, my motivations, and everything in between and before and beyond all of that. He's so much better.

"Cause I know there's got to be another level

Somewhere closer to the other side

And I'm feeling like it's now or never

Can I break the spell of the typical."

--Mute Math

Break the spell of my typical life, Father.