Sunday, November 25, 2012

Living Right Now

Everything moves by much too quickly.  Nothing can be pinned down.  No moment will remain.  No memory will remain as vivid as the reality from which it grew.

Everyone realizes this truth and longs for the past, and yet, as we have the opportunity to grasp and appreciate moments as they come, we do not see the same value in those moments as they are present as when they are past.  We always look forward, always long for something new.  Yet when that new moment comes and we have the opportunity to make a beautiful memory, we have already forgotten it, and are looking forward to the next new moment.  A vicious circle. A downward spiral.  Leading toward empty longing and, therefore, empty hearts.

I find myself trapped in this human tendency.  I desire new, and yet long for old, but never treasure the moment in which I'm living.  The final year of college is a year of lasts.  I find myself wishing I had realized how I would long for the simple pleasures.  I wish I had not taken everything for granted.  I wish I had known then what I know now.  I wish I could start over, but have all my lessons learned.
When I was young, we moved far away from home, and I would pray that it was all a bad dream.  I would imagine myself waking up and being at home where I had friends and familiarity.  I have those same wishes now, but not because I am afraid, I just want it all to be better.  Everyone says, "don't regret any moment in your life because everything in your life made you who you are today," but that is a hard pill to swallow.  If I had done some things differently, wouldn't I be better?  Wouldn't I have better relationships?  Wouldn't I have kept myself from doing certain things and exposing myself to certain things? If I had known then what I know now, I would have done a much better job.  Not only that, but I would treasure the moments that I now wish I could have again.  I would make more memories.  I wouldn't take things for granted.  I would take life a lot slower.

I know I can't go back, but I can move forward.  Only, I don't want to think about the "forward" part too much.  I want to think about the "now" part.  The part in which I can make memories.  The part that I can treasure.  The part for which I can thank the Lord as it happens.  Looking ahead isn't bad, but I want there to be more to life than what's to come.  I want it to be about the moment.  I want to be where I am. The present.