Relentlessly Pursue Me, God

Sometimes I feel like God is just laughing at me. Like I'm just sitting down here squirming and trying to figure everything out and He's up there just laughing His head off. I know its not true, but I'm just kind of tired of feeling like I can't get a straight answer. He's blessing me. He loves me. I know He does. I just want to be joyful and not have to wonder if I'm really joyful because of Jesus or because I'm finding temporary happiness in the world.

I want to be satisfied in Jesus. I want Him to be my one and only. I want Him to be the one that I need and look to and cry to. I want to run to Him, but right now I feel like I don't know where to run. I need Him close to me. I need Him to come to me. I'm trying to find Him, but I'm feeling my way around in a pitch black room. Illuminate things for me, God. Maybe things really are illuminated and I'm just closing my eyes. Either way, I need you to relentlessly pursue me. Even if I don't act like it all the time, that's what I really want.