Friday, April 30, 2010

I'm better for the time we spent together

And I bless the day I met you,
And I thanks God that He let you
Lay beside me for a moment that lives on.
And the good news is I'm better
For the time we spent together,
And the bad news is you're gone.

Thank you Diamond Rio for a perfect way of explaining how I feel. This is perfect right now.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I'm just gone.

I'm so far lost.
Steep hills, and sharp cliffs.
I'm lame, Father.
Give me legs.
Stop the tears.
Heal my heart.

I don't know what is wrong with me.
I'm just... gone.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The Perfect Moment

I'm having that feeling. The one where nothing seems hopeful. The one where I'm not excited about anything. The one where I just feel sad about every possible way I could spend my time in the near future. I don't want to go to dinner now. I don't want to cook dinner later. I don't want to go to this comedy show tonight. I don't want to hang out with my friends. I don't want to sleep in tomorrow. I'm just sad.

I want to live in a moment of my choosing forever. Personally, I would choose January 12, 2010 around 4:15 pm. The perfect moment.

I want everything in my life to magically come together. I don't want to keep waiting. I don't know whats wrong with me. My life used to feel put together. My life used to feel great. I loved my family, I loved my friends, I didn't have any boy problems to worry about, I was an athlete and I loved it, and I had an amazing church that helped me grow in my faith constantly. What happened to that? I must have been deceived. Life can never be perfectly put together. Life is a process. When I see my Lord, that is when I will feel completely satisfied. That is the perfect moment, and the good news is, I really will live in that moment forever.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I am not good enough

200th post!!

Too bad its going to be super short. Oh well.. I'm about to leave for work (without shoes on!!) TOMS - A Day Without Shoes

God loves me. I don't get it. Like for real. Its been on my mind the past few weeks. God (think about who he is for a second...............................) yeah... him... WOWW!! (I know) That guy.. is crazy in love with me. BUTT not only that... he lets me do stuff. He gives me stuff. He blesses me. I am not good enough to rub his feet, or tie his shoe, or pick up his pencil, or cut his finger nails, or even cut his toe nails. AND YET.. I get to talk to people about him and basically be like... his rep on earth. Gosh. I fail at that a lot. I'm sorry, Father. I don't really understand why you'd ask someone so incompetent to help you do something like this. But thank you.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

I can't think of a good title

It’s just about impossible for me to imagine how my life got this far from where it was just 3 months ago. I was so determined. So set in how everything would work. I was following the Lord. I was caught up in his plan for my life. I was passionate about letting him work in my life and letting him set my path instead of taking over and steering things my way. I failed. I wanted to be in so much of a different place right now. I guess I relied too much on myself. I got so determined that I didn’t even think I needed God’s help. I even remember, at one pivotal time, hearing him say something to me. It was so clear what he wanted me to do. Instead I stayed still because it was the easy thing to do. It would be more difficult to get up and do what he wanted me to do, so I just sat there. I let my life get this way. I put my heart in this situation and condition. How could I be so stupid? How could I be such a hypocrite, Father? I’m sorry for failing you time and time again. I’m sorry for not doing something hard sooner. A friend once told me that a good motto to have in life is simply, “Do hard things.” It’s true. Most of the right things are harder. Most things that are holy and good and godly are hard and seem like the opposite of everyone else because we live in the world and the world leads us down the easy, wide, and sinful path. God leads us on the narrow, godly, sometimes difficult path.

Life is a steep mountain. We are the climbers. Heaven is the beautiful, breath-taking mountain top.