Don't you get it?

For those of you who don't know, I'm involved in a ministry called Young Life. I love it, every moment. And yet, I hate it, every moment. I love my kids, they make me smile, and getting to see them grow in the Lord is the most incredible thing I can think of. I love my kids, they make me angry, and it breaks my heart to see them make stupid mistakes because they are too scared to stand out. I love when one of my kids just understands what this whole "Christian" thing is about, but that seems so rare. I invest in them, and I pour into them, but they still don't get it. They don't understand what is so crazy and awesome and incredible about this story they are hearing. Sometimes I just want to say, "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!! EVERYTHING YOU HAVE, EVERY BREATH, EVERY MOVE, EVERY ABILITY, EVERY MOMENT, EVERY FRIEND, EVERY FAMILY MEMBER, EVERY HAIR ON YOUR HEAD, EVERY DAY YOU WAKE UP AND OPEN YOUR EYES AND TAKE A BREATH IS BECAUSE OF THE INCREDIBLE, INSANE, CRAZY, AND SOOOO UNDESERVED MERCY OF THIS INDESCRIBABLE GOD!! EVERY SUFFERING, EVERY TRIAL, EVERY TEMPTATION, EVERY HEARTACHE, EVERY LOSS, EVERY TEAR, EVERY SICKNESS, EVERY SADNESS, EVERY TIME YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY... THAT'S HIS MERCY TOO!! HE LETS US HAVE THIS LIFE. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE SO GREAT, AND NEITHER DO I. HE LOVES YOU BECAUSE HE JUST DOES. And I love you because He does." It breaks me everytime I think about them and how they just don't get it.

I heard one of my kids say once, "I thought Christians just kind of looked the same as everyone else, we just believed in God." No. You cannot be immersed in the love of an all-powerful God and be covered in His son's glory and perfection and look the same. Does that sound the same to you? I love them. Everyone of them.

I just hope they understand why.

*picture taken by: gordonsl*

Prayer is One of the Most Powerful Instruments in My Life

Last night at home. I'm not even going to try to express my incredibly confusing feelings right now. But I will say that the Lord has been preparing me for this day the entire summer; my entire life, in fact. I really think that He has huge plans in mind for me in the coming months. I hope that I don't get my own plans and desires in the way. I have a few prayer requests for those of you who are reading this:

1. I need to stay focused. Pray that I won't let my life become so out of control and busy that I can even think to have the excuse "I didn't have enough time" for not spending time in the word and in diligent prayer everyday. Prayer and time with my Father are the only thing that will get me through this year.

2. I need an accountability partner. I have all of my wonderful friends from home, but I need someone who I can go to and talk to and confide in right there at school. I already have plans to do just that with a friend of mine, but I need your prayers to keep me diligent in keeping those times consistent. Pray that I will give myself that refueling time that time with this accountability partner, and studying the word will give me.

3. I need a good church. I am planning on going to a church about 30 or 35 minutes from campus. That is about the distance I'd have to travel to any church, but the thing is I don't know anyone who goes to this particular church and I don't have my own car. Please pray that I can find someone that would like to go to this church with me.

4. I need community. I really missed having a good community of christian friends last year. I really needed that, but I didn't seek it out. There is an obvious difference in spending time with believers and spending time with non-believers. I feel more pressure, and less relaxed when I'm not with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I wanted to make it an even 5, but there was really nothing else that I could think of right now. Not that I don't need prayer, I do... and Lord knows how much I do. But, those are my school related prayers. I know that prayer is one of the most powerful instruments in my life, and the Lord can do great things. Please, please, please pray for me. I love you all so much, you really have no idea how much. Thank you!

*picture taken by: { karen }*

Prepare Me

Lord, prepare my heart for this journey. Prepare me to show them who you are. So that when they see you they'll recognize you because they've seen you before!!

yeahhh.. its just one of those days.

I need to read the bible more. It is that simple. God has something to say to me, and I need to go listen to him. So, what am I doing on here trying to think of something poetic to write? I am going to go enjoy my heavenly Father and bask in his presence.

See ya.

Please Me, daughter.

Father, Why would You give me all of these wonderful blessings here at home, just to take them all away in less than a week? I have been so incredibly blessed here at home with my family, in my church with my fellow believers, in relationships with new friends, in relationships with old friends, in my spiritual life, in my relationship with my parents. Everything is perfect right now. Why would you take that away, Lord?

Because, daughter, you are a work in progress. I'm not finished with you yet. At home you are leading a life of easiness. You have accomplished very much at home. You have pleased me. Now you must go out into the world and accomplish things there, and please me there. I have blessed you in order that you may be fruitful elsewhere. Home is your safe haven, home is your time for refueling. Now it is time for you to make disciples in My name. Let your face shine with the glory of Myself. Let the love that I have shown you and given you to show to others be a beacon of light to the lost. Help them find their way, Katie. Show them this wonderful light, and glory, and love that you have found in Me. I am no secret, my dear. My name should be exclaimed from the mountain tops. I am sending you out to do that. Now, trust Me and My word. Trust that I have My arms firmly wrapped around you. I am holding you close. I am crazy about you. Please Me, daughter. Go.

Lost for Words

God is gracious. Thats all I can say.

Sometimes the fact that words cannot describe my Lord discourages me from writing. Then I remember that I would rather spend my entire life trying to find the words to express the way I feel about Him than give up. I can't help it. I use words, I'm human. I may never be able to describe Him well enough, but when I am in that situation where I'm lost for words is when I clearly see how absolutely incredible my dear Father is.

He'll Take Me

So I had two topics on my mind to write about today. I miss writing and today I was thinking of a few things that seemed worth writing about. I went to the mall today. (I went twice actually) I was talking to my lovely friend Laura about life and faith and the future and the past. Just about everything. So while we were talking she said something. She said, "God didn't put me here to live a life of comfort, I have all of eternity for that."

I was also thinking today about how I want so badly to write music and perform music and maybe become somebody, maybe not. I just want to do music. But I don't take that part of my life very seriously. I always assume that I can follow my dream tomorrow. I wait until the next day to find some way to record my songs. I don't take myself seriously because nobody else does. Sometimes people don't encourage me to pursue my dreams. One time someone even laughed when I said something about my music. I know I'm not a horrible musician. It can't be that they think I'm insane for thinking I could do that, I just don't feel encouraged when stuff like that happens.

So I have two topics that I could write about:

1. God didn't put us here to live comfortably.

2. I don't take myself seriously because the people around me don't take me seriously.

I think I'll write about the first. Its much more fun and way more important.

I had heard that before, I knew that God hadn't sent me here to be comfortable. It just hit me harder than EVER. So often lately I've been so obsessed with myself and what I need to do to make myself happy. I've been feeling like maybe I didn't choose the right school for me. But when she said that, I was sure that I had chosen the right place. It also greatly convicted me. I am so selfish for thinking that I should have this easy life where everything works out perfectly. God sent me to do his work. To spread his word. To proclaim his glorious name! Not to sit around on my butt all day trying to find the cutest outfit to wear to my date on saturday night. My job is to make a difference in the world, not for myself, not for the environment, not for the needy children, not for the 3rd world countries, not for the wars, not for my family, not for anyone but for CHRIST alone. Maybe some of those other things are what God is calling me to make a difference for in HIS name, but only in HIS name. I won't do it in the name of myself, or in the name of the things I'm helping, but in HIS name. I've gotten off track. I like getting off track. It means I'm being passionate. I miss being passionate. Ok, off track again. God put me on this earth. He had ideas when He put me here. He is excited about the things He is going to do through me. And I'm excited for Him to do those things. I just don't want to get in the way with my comfort obsession. The phrase "I give my life to God" just gets old for me sometimes. My life was never mine. Its always been His. He has great ideas for what this life that He's given me is going to accomplish with his unending power. He will prevail through this life. He will reign in this life.

He will take me wherever He needs me to go in order to accomplish his great and glorious will.

*picture taken by: Social Geographic*