Saturday, April 11, 2009

Need to be Needed

I cannot wait to get married.  I cannot wait to be a mother and a wife and have the man who I will love with everything I am.  I cannot wait to be number one to someone.  I've never been that.  I've never been anyone's number one.  Its the one thing that really bothers me.  I've never had someone, even just a friend, who loved me and wanted to spend time with me more than anyone else.  Maybe that is selfish, but it would be nice.  There are people who love me, and I know they do.  I just don't ever feel like anyone wants to be with me more than anyone else.  I cannot wait to come home to a husband who wouldn't rather be with anyone else on this earth.  Someone who cares for me more than they've ever cared for someone.  A man who wants to give me the moon, whether he can or cannot do that is not the point.  A man who wants me to be happy in every single moment.  A man who can tell me where I'm wrong, and tell me when I'm being silly and yet still make me feel wonderful.  I don't want to feel as though everyone I'm with is always thinking that they'd rather be somewhere else.  I can't stand it much longer.  I need to be wanted.  I need to be needed.  I want to raise my children to be wonderful men and women in the Lord.  I want to teach them about this incredible love I've found.  Its the only love that I know that is spotless.  He's the only one who never makes me feel like he'd rather be somewhere else.  I want them to know how he loves them.  I have dreams and aspirations to be someone who makes a difference in the world, but if God wants to keep me where I am and make me a mother who makes a difference in her children's lives, I'd be happy to do it.  

This didn't end up really having a point, it was a lot of jibberish mashed into one paragraph.  I hope you understand.

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