Everytime I sit down to write nothing comes to mind. I want so badly to unload myself by writing about something, but whatever it is that is pushing me down doesn't want me to know what it is. But I feel so down. Some people reading this might think that I'm down for a certain reason, but I can assure you that I'm over that, I'm doing much better, its not making me sad anymore. I just wish I could figure out what to do to keep myself from feeling so crappy right now.
Maybe I'm not spending enough time in the word. Maybe I'm not giving everything over to God. Maybe I've been to absorbed in myself to see what is going on around me. I need to get out of this trance. I need to get back to the real world, where there are people who need Christ, friends who need support, a family who needs a sister and a daughter, and a God who wants me to invest in Him.
I can't keep thinking that everything is ok because when I'm alone, without other people to make me smile, I am unhappy. When I am alone nothing feels right. When I am alone I realize that I am not the person who I want to be.
I'm so sick of feeling so far away from God. He's been 10 billion miles away lately, and I don't know where to go without Him. I need him beside me. I need to know that He's here. I need to be absorbed in Him, not in myself.
Lord, bless me with a heart that only desires to be absorbed in You.
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