Thursday, May 28, 2009

Everything means so much more than it used to...

There is so much to say.  I'm back.  Up and running.  I lost it.  I was so far gone, I couldn't find myself, but I'm back.  I really am.  And it is the best feeling that I could ever imagine.  I love the Lord.  He's amazing.  There aren't words, and that is what is really annoying about languages. No matter what words I use, in however many languages I can find, in as many dialects as are in existance, I cannot tell you how I feel.  I feel found.  I feel a sense of understanding.  I feel renewed.  I feel loved. I feel warm.  

You know how when you go to the pool and it feels great, but then you put your clothes on and wet clothes do not feel great, and then you go home and feel so out of place because you have a bathing suit and wet clothes on and you can't sit down anywhere?  Well, I was sitting in my house in wet clothes for way too long.  You know how it feels when you take a shower, dry off, brush your hair, and put all new clothes on and sit on your couch with a big pillow, a bowl of ice cream, the universal remote, and someone absolutely incredible holding you safely in their arms?  Well thats how I feel now.  

I just did a lesson from a Beth Moore bible study and she was talking about a demon-posessed man that Jesus healed.  She was saying how he is now sitting at the feet of the Lord and he is clothed and clean now.  He has a new master.  That picture makes me feel warm.  I love that he's sitting at the feet of Jesus.  There is that song "down at your feet oh Lord, is the most high place."  Well, thats definitely true, but I don't feel proud when I'm at his feet.  I feel incredible humbled, but comfortable and content at the same time.  I wouldn't rather be anywhere else.  I love that feeling.

See, I'm trying to express this feeling I'm having and its not working at all!  

There is something else too.

God seeks us.
WHY!? Why would a perfect, almighty, omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, God of the godless Lord want me?  I have nothing to offer.  I don't even do my best most of the time.  I don't do all I can, but he SEEKS me!  He wants me.  I've never understood what it meant to be found, but now I do.  I never understood what it meant for God to seek me, but now I do.  I never understood God the way I do now.  

I've gone through some things I didn't really want to have to go through.  Situations that I had to deal with that I could have prevented.  But its funny that God used those nasty situations in my life to make me better.  I made mistakes; He made me better.  I failed time and time again; He made me better.  I did not listen to Him; He made me better.  I ignored His warnings; He made me better.  

I love these new feelings I'm having.
*picture taken by: knittinging*

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