It is really hard when the person you love most in the world loves someone else most. Someone who's most love should be you. Someone who acts like you are, someone who talks like you are, but never really says that you are the person they love most. Someone like that. I love her most. More than any other person I know. But she loves someone else most. She has someone else who she thinks understands her most. She has someone else who she wants to spend time with more than me. She has someone else who she laughs with more. I don't dislike the other person, it just hurts to see her say that the other person is the one who understands her more than any other person on this earth. I know thats jealousy, but I can't help it. I want to understand her. I do understand her. But she doesn't seem to think so, obviously. I wish I was better than I am at understanding her.
I'm never who I want to be in anyone's life. Once again, I sound depressed, but I write when I'm sad, so unfortunately, those who read this get the short end of my emotional rollercoaster.
This just sucks sometimes.
Ah. I'm so sorry you feel this way Katie :( That has to be so hard. Just remember that you are who God wants you to be, and you’re amazing in that. The person who loves you most in the world is in your heart; He is everywhere :) And He has spectacular plans for you. It is fuzzy sometimes why such difficulties occur, but God has something amazing in store for you. His tests are designed only to build endurance. :) Even when you may not feel it, you are loved by your neighbors, your friends, your family, and your Father at a level beyond comprehension. :) Everything will work out wonderfully. I'm sure of it.
ReplyDelete"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'They are plans for prosperity and not for destruction, to give you a future and a hope.'" -Jeremiah 29:11
I know exactly how you feel Katie, I promise, this is exactly how I feel a lot of times (or at least a lot more often than I want to feel it.) Jealousy eats us up inside! I know because I'm experienced with it. It seems to happen anytime I call someone my "best friend". And it sucks b/c I know it's not their fault, it's the neediness of my own heart that makes me feel this way. I don't know exactly who you're talking about, but I will say that I know exactly how you feel! you're not alone my friend. ill be praying for you!
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