I went to worship with some wonderful friends tonight. I missed them. I missed the atmosphere that is created when I get the priviledge of worshiping with them. They are incredible men and women of God, and I feel so uninhibited when I worship with them. I don't need to feel like I'm being distracting to anyone else when I raise my hands, because they're all raising their hands too. I feel so free to do whatever I want. Tonight I felt like I wanted to fall on my knees, but I couldn't raise my hands high enough. I couldn't get my voice loud enough. I couldn't get my mind focused enough. I couldn't sing the songs long enough. It was wonderful. But I also felt like I couldn't wrap my mind around the concept of this God I was worshiping. It hurt me. Then I realized that its ok. Its ok that I don't understand him. Its ok that I can't wrap my mind around it. Its ok that sometimes I'm just being human. Its ok that sometimes I'm not perfect. Its ok that sometimes I can't focus. Because first, God cannot be understood. He's God. He is incomprehensible, and incomparable, and untamable. And second, all that matters is that I love and obey Him. I am not going to be perfect all the time. Thats why the grace of God is unthinkably priceless and infinitely valuable. There is nothing that saves us, save the grace of God. The grace of God is what gives us life, and breath. I have been given this grace, and I love Him. Christianity is not a set of rules that I have to follow, and I am horribly ashamed of myself for having taken so long to figure that out. I always knew, but never understood. If I love the Lord, then everything will fall into place because I'll want to obey him so I'll just end up following Him. Its not a matter of doing the right thing, its a matter of loving the Lord with everything I am and have been and will be and everything I have and have had and will have.
THAT is my heart's desire.
I like these words.
ReplyDelete-Nathan