Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year, Same Me

Oh the classic happy new years post. Of course, I'll say it. Happy New Year everyone! I hope your eve was wonderful, and that 2009 is wonderous. But really, today is just another day just like any other. I don't feel refreshed. I don't feel relieved. I don't feel better about anything. It sounds like I'm just depressed, I really don't think I am. I just can't get anything straight. I was going to have some kind of stupid new years resolution like exercise more. I will do that just because I know I need to keep myself healthy in order to praise my heavenly Father with my life, but it just seems dumb. I don't care about how fit I am, I don't care about how pretty I look, I don't even really care about how well I do in school or with my friends right now. All I want is to finally go forward in my relationship with my heavenly Father. I'M STUCK! My head is in the nuese, and I'm just waiting for the floor to drop.

I'm not suicidal, I'm not depressed. Just frustrated.

Maybe if I throw all of my ideas and reservations and stubborness away, and start all over that will help. Everything is pressing down on me. I'm being crushed by all this crap that is loading me down. I'm stuck in the mud. I'm not going forward, therefore I am going backward. You know that feeling when any random moment you feel like you could just burst into tears? That's me right now. I will tell anyone my story who will listen. I just have two problems.

1) I have no words.
2) I have no listener.

What to do?


  1. Katie, dear friend, honestly I share your rut in faith. And I'm not doing much good about it. Can we have our date Saturday and have some sweet, deep conversations about it together? I'll be praying for you (whenever I remember to do so myself).

  2. My Dear! I am so sorry i wasnt around these past few days cause i were then i would have been right beside you.

    I love you, very much! and seriously talk to me...i know i might not always be right beside you but i am always open to listening!

    =] Smile cause I need a Katie smile in my life

  3. Katie, it is AMAZING how Im in the exact same boat as you. "You know that feeling when any random moment you feel like you could just burst into tears?" YES! Because I cried last night. I'm so tired of being stuck in the mud too. I share in your struggle to just move a centimeter forward in my faith! GAHHH!