Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I never knew how shy I was until I came here. I feel so inferior to almost everyone around me. Not in a way that would make it seem like I just feel SO bad for myself. I don't. I just see people around me that are experts at what they do, and I am finding out that I am not an expert at anything like that. Its not a bad thing. It's just the way that I am. I just feel shy. I shouldn't. It would probably make my life ten times easier if I would just be a little more outgoing and not be so silly about things. I just can't. I've tried. There are certain people that I can just go crazy around. Then there are other people who I can't even have normal conversation around. I look at my feet, I fiddle with something in my hands, I move my eyes around. I crawl into my shell. I hate that I do that. I hate that I'm worried about what they'll think of me, because I'm sure that if I would just be myself and let myself go they would like me much more, or at least they'd know who I am. I don't like hiding. I like to be outgoing. Its hard sometimes though. My shell is safe, and comfortable. My shell is warm, and it is dark. No one can see me there. But it gets lonely.

I don't want to be a turtle anymore.

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