Monday, October 27, 2008

I'm sorry

On Saturdays, as I look back on my week a general feeling toward the past 6 days will consume my mind. There are two types of weeks. The I-had-so-much-to-deal-with-and-never-got-to-spend-time-with-any-friends week or the I-had-such-a-good-time-this-week-and-it-was-so-relaxing week. I feel as though the latter of the two has come in short supply for the last month or so. I miss feeling like I deepened relationships and spent time with friends. I miss relaxing, sitting outside on a cool fall day just thinking. I miss having a good night's sleep, and waking up in the morning excited. I miss living without numerous difficult situations arising during a 2 day period. I miss the easy feeling of walking down the sidewalk, sipping a soda, talking about something close to your heart, and doing all of that with a best friend. Everything is getting more and more difficult as each day passes. I have a few choices: 1) hide it, act like everything is ok, and don't talk about it with anyone 2) hide it, act like things are ok with certain people, but then talk about it behind other's backs 3) deal with things, talk about them in a calm way, and try to do better or 4) deal with things, but not everything and keep certain things stored away which doesn't really solve anything. I would choose the third if this were a survey, but since it's real life and I'm human, I often (sadly) choose the second. I'm human, I make mistakes, shouldn't people be able to forgive me? I guess I shouldn't let myself fall back on that, not everyone is going to love how I act. Not everyone is going to appreciate me. I'm not everyone's favorite person. I need to work on things just like anyone else. I'm sorry for being so self-absorbed and sure of myself. I'm sorry for making so many mistakes, and hurting so many people. I'm sorry for never apologizing. I'm sorry for my poor choices. I'm sorry for being inconsiderate. I'm sorry for being careless. I'm sorry for leaving my friends. I'm sorry for underappreciating things. I'm sorry for not improving myself.

But I want to listen; I want to hear what people think. I want to know how people feel.

I'm listening. I'm waiting.

No comments:

Post a Comment