Missing...

I miss the smiles, the trust, the love, the hugs, the care, the comfortable feeling, the laughs, the happy tears, the sad tears, the mom, the dad, the sisters, the brothers, the true friends, the school, the life. I miss it all. It's all back there, moving on with the life it had before while I'm here, away from everything, missing everything. Isn't time supposed to stop when I'm not around to see it go by? When I leave I want it all to pause so that I don't miss a single detail of the first day of school, of the first day of youth group, the first day of cell groups, the first games, the nights of homework, the late night talks, the learning. I want to be there when she needs help with homework, when he needs a hug, when he has a birthday party, when she is making dinner, when he comes home from work, when she cries, when she smiles, when she needs advice. I don't want to let them down. I don't want to be the one who doesn't care. I don't want to be left out.

But I am. I'm here and they are there. It is all there. Just know I'm missing you, all of you.

All I have left is the Lord, He is the only one who stayed. The only who will never leave. He's just harder to see sometimes when everything around me tells me not to.

I'm missing...