Monday, September 29, 2008

Train thinking...

So today I took a train trip from Raleigh to Charlotte, and you would not believe the thinking that a train ride can provoke. This is all that I wrote on my trip:

Call me a romantic, but I think this is pretty cool. Taking the train back to school, and writing a blog at the same time… what could be more romantic?
The sun is shining through the window, every once and a while the trees hold back the light. I should be doing my homework, but who needs that? I like this. Sitting, thinking, admiring.
We pass by a cemetery. I wonder who is there. I wonder what kind of grief was left on that ground. I can see the funerals going on, I can imagine the people lamenting, the children not understanding, the ladies crying, the men sobbing. The people who are now resting under the earth were loved in their life, I’m sure. They must have been wonderful people. Grandmothers, grandfathers, moms, dads, wives, husbands, daughters, sons, community members, church goers, talented athletes, gifted in music, valedictorian of their high school class. It is odd to think that every person who is buried in that cemetery at one time had a life, a family, a place to belong. But now they are not there, their place is empty. At once they had to try and make a place, and now that place is so set in stone that it cannot be filled. Some may think it would have been easier for them to have never been known, at least then no one would have to grieve, no one would have to miss, no one would cry. But those same people would never have been blessed by the beautiful life of that lost loved one.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my husband lately. It is like I already know him, and I already miss him. I can imagine he and I having children and caring for them, having dinners with our parents and time alone. I can imagine our conversations, and the affection that we will share. I miss him. I don’t even know him but I miss him. He is out there somewhere, maybe I’ve seen him, maybe I know him. Someday our lives will come together. He is out there, living his own life, thinking of me too. I long for his arms to be around me, and for his love to consume me. I long for the intimacy of marriage that we will share, for the love and affection, the way we will know each other and admire each other, the way we will argue and disagree, but still love each other, the way we will both love the Lord with all of our heart, the way He will be the center of our lives. I miss him.

It’s pretty easy to make me smile. Give me a good book, a cup of coffee, a comfy chair, and some solitude and I’ll be happy for the rest of the day. Give me a crowd of people, good music, and wonderful friends and I’ll be happy. Give me one good friend, one long conversation, and lots of laughs and I’ll have the best time. Give me one new friend who makes me laugh and I’ll smile. Give me a train, a computer without internet, and a rainy night and I’ll write three blogs which makes me happy. Give me one heartfelt and happy text message and I’ll give you a smile. Give me lunch with friends who I haven’t seen in a month and I will think about it for days. Give me a train ride home, and some time to think and I’ll get every single thought in my head down on paper. This makes me happy.

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